


How Do I

by inverts



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, M/M, alternate reality kind of sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-18
Updated: 2011-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-24 17:46:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inverts/pseuds/inverts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Casey is suspended until Friday for throwing a chair at another student, and also for calling him a shit-eating fucknut asshole, and Karkat needs to come in for a parent/teacher conference on Thursday night.</p><p>Please be warned that this fic is probably angstier than you may first be lead to expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do I

**Author's Note:**

> AU, sort of kind of. Expect that characters in an AU setting do not act completely IC due to a different set of circumstances contributing to their upbringing and social/cultural expectations.
> 
> Warnings for angst, custody battles, and rubbish schools.

Mid afternoon on Monday, Karkat storms toward the school’s main office, the furious scowl on his face scaring the few students foolish enough to be lingering in the hallways during class time. They scurry out of his path and he yanks the office door open, prepared to deliver a scathing verbal assault to Casey’s teacher—but he stops in his tracks when he sees her.

Casey is small for her age. Year after year, she’s always the teeniest when the students line up, and it’s not just her height, but her twig-thin arms and knobbly wire legs. God forbid she and John stand next to each other wearing shorts; giraffes would weep at the sight of those long bony limbs. She’s curled up on the hard plastic school chair just the way Karkat curls up on the armchair at home every night after she’s been put to bed, arms wrapped around her legs and her face pressed into her knees. She lifts her head up at the sound of the door hitting the wall when Karkat throws it open, and he sees light catch on the tear tracks on her cheeks.

There is a bandage taped to her forehead, just under her hairline; her bangs hang out over it, pushed awkwardly up.

Completely silenced, he drops down to one knee and holds out his arms. Casey unfolds in an uncoordinated stumble and runs to him, hitting him with a force that would have toppled him if she were anywhere near the size of her classmates. He gathers her up in his arms and stands, his glare finally traveling over the rest of the office.

Behind the desk is the incompetent secretary who always calls him Mr. Egbert no matter how many times he’s corrected. Also standing there is Casey’s homeroom teacher, whose lips are a thin line as she meets Karkat’s hard stare.

He’s glad he didn’t throw his phone out the window when he first received the call from Casey’s school. Excruciating as it was, he’s glad he grit his teeth and continued speaking with the idiots, because now he doesn’t have to delay here hashing out the details—Casey is suspended until Friday for throwing a chair at another student, and also for calling him a shit-eating fucknut asshole, and Karkat needs to come in for a parent/teacher conference on Thursday night. He’d like to set Casey down and throw a chair at the teacher himself, but he finds some consolation in knowing that he will have the chance to let the idiotic, shit-for-brains staff at this overpriced institution know just what he thinks on Thursday. While his blood might howl for the chance to tear them apart now, in three days he’ll have _prepared_.

So instead of destroying the office, he gives the assholes one final scowl, ignores the secretary calling after him that he needs to fill out the sign-out sheet, picks up Casey’s _Adventure Time_ backpack, and marches out of that shithole prison that dares call itself a place of learning.

Casey is quiet as he carries her to the car, sets her in the passenger seat and buckles her in. He sees fresh tears build up at her eyelids, sees her whole face shake with the effort of keeping them there, and the final, inevitable fall. Her tiny nose is scrunched up and she’s pouting furiously. Karkat settles into the driver side and leans over to thumb the wet lines off her face.

“Are you mad?” she asks.

He starts the car, shifts into first gear and pulls out of the parking lot. “I’m furious,” he answers. “It is absolutely fu—absolutely unacceptable that this happened.”

He grinds the gears when he shifts to second, and he almost misses her whisper, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad at _you_ ,” he growls, although he can kind of see why she might get that idea. He swallows and schools his voice into something a little less threatening. “I’m mad that your teacher didn’t notice anything was wrong until after that little shit had already made you bleed. I’m mad that they’re going to punish you for standing up for yourself. I don’t pay them a fucking king’s ransom for tuition so that the other spoiled brats can attack you!”

He glances over and notices that she’s ducked under the shoulder strap of her seatbelt so that she can curl up into a little ball again. When they reach a stoplight, he reaches over to ruffle her hair.

“Come on, little bunny. Cheer up.” She’s young enough that she still smiles at the nickname, and Karkat tries to mirror the expression when she turns bright blue eyes toward him. He can’t quite manage it though, and he turns back to watching the road. “Let’s pick up some ice cream before piano practice.”

~~~

EB: so the way the scratch works is like erasing your save and starting over?  
EB: but then how is it any different?  
EB: i mean, if you’re playing crash bandicoot, and you start a new game, you’re just gonna do the exact same things. the only way to make it different is because you know how your last game played, so maybe you can do things better or faster because you remember what you did last time.  
EB: but if we scratch, we won’t remember anything.  
EB: so how is causing a scratch going to fix anything? won’t we just make the same mistakes since we don’t remember making them the first time around?  
EB: and the thing is…  
EB: if we scratch, and everything works the way it’s supposed to, you’ll be gods of our universe, right?  
EB: like you were saying the first time you trolled me.  
EB: you’d never have any reason to mess with our game.  
CG: YES, THAT’S THE IDEA.  
EB: doesn’t that make you sad?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NOW?  
EB: i mean, you’d never start trolling us. we’d never have the chance to meet you!  
EB: it just seems too bad. i like you guys!  
EB: i don’t want to forget you.  
CG: TOO FUCKING BAD. THE THOUGHT OF NEVER MEETING YOU AND WITNESSING YOUR IMPOSSIBLE LEVELS OF IDIOCY FILLS ME WITH A STRANGE AND UNFAMILIAR SENSATION.  
CG: I THINK IT MIGHT BE JOY.  
CG: WAIT A SECOND.  
EB: ?  
CG: YOU SHOULDN’T KNOW ABOUT THE FIRST TIME I TROLLED YOU.  
EB: um, why not? if it was the first time you trolled me, it’s already happened! i should definitely know about it.  
CG: NO.  
CG: THIS STUPID FUCKING BACKWARDS TROLLING I’VE BEEN DOING MEANS THAT YOU SHOULDN’T KNOW ABOUT THAT YET.  
CG: THAT’S THE WHOLE FUCKING REASON I MADE THIS DUMB DECISION, SO THAT I COULD TALK TO YOU WITHOUT THAT FIRST CONVERSATION MESSING EVERYTHING UP.  
EB: oh.  
EB: um.  
EB: huh!

~~~

Karkat cannot remember ever being so grateful that his work is portable. This past month has been awful, all things considered, and he’s beyond lucky that he can just take his laptop wherever he goes and do his job in whatever hours he can catch. Being a freelance author/movie critic isn’t always the most lucrative career, and he has to spend way more time than he’d like looking for his next quick gig, pandering to the moronic masses in order to pay the rent while he works on his next novel. On the plus side, it means that he can spend the day with Casey and still get his work done. When they get back from the hospital on Tuesday, he has her watch _Gnomeo and Juliet_ , and they do a blog post about it together, gleefully tearing it to pieces. Then they take a break to attempt to bake a cake, but neither of them are very good at it, and the break stretches on for far more hours than it should have. When the smoke detector starts going off, Casey starts screaming shrilly, and Karkat swears to God he hears a ringing in his ears for the rest of the day. At around 5 PM they go to the supermarket together and each pick out a slice of something from the bakery.

She doesn’t want to eat dinner after having cake, and he winds up raising his voice at her, plus dropping in a few f-bombs. Neither of them are particularly happy with each other when she goes to take her bath, and she doesn’t want to brush her teeth either, even though Karkat spent the extra dollars getting that fucking flavour of toothpaste she insists on, and the goddamn Batman toothbrush.

He still tucks her in and gives her a goodnight kiss, even though she exaggeratedly wipes it off before he turns out the light.

It’s a bad night for her. Karkat doesn’t get much writing done after bedtime, because she wakes up with nightmares and yells for her mommy and daddy. He can’t help but think what the apartment neighbors must think, as he holds her and lets her scream into his chest.

Once she’s finally resting in bed, Karkat goes back to the living room with every intention of getting more writing done. He falls asleep curled up on the armchair.

~~~

CG: SOMETHING’S WRONG.  
EB: it’s probably timey-whimey stuff. i can ask dave about it!  
CG: NO, IDIOT. TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK ABOUT THIS. HAVE YOU DONE ANY TIME TRAVELING, OR IN ANY WAY DEVIATED FROM A LINEAR TEMPORAL PROGRESSION?  
EB: no…  
EB: there is a beta me in a dream bubble though!  
CG: WELL THAT SURE DOES MAKE YOU A UNIQUE AND INDIVIDUAL SNOWFLAKE.  
CG: I CAN’T THINK OF ANYBODY ELSE WHO MIGHT MEET SUCH AN EXTRAORDINARY QUALIFICATION.  
EB: jeez karkat! i’m just trying to help figure out what’s going on!  
CG: DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I TROLLED YOU?  
CG: CAN YOU ACTUALLY REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE WE SAID IN THAT CONVERSATION?  
CG: DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN IT HAPPENED?  
CG: BECAUSE I’M LOOKING AT YOUR TIMELINE RIGHT NOW AND YOU SHOULD STILL HAVE AN HOUR BEFORE THEN.  
EB: this is so weird…  
EB: i know you think it’s not time travel but i’m going to ask dave anyway, it can’t hurt!

~~~

The day starts off smoothly on Wednesday. He gets her settled in with a Tamora Pierce book, and sits down to do some writing of his own, but not even an hour later she’s declared that she’s bored and wants to do something fun. Naturally she doesn’t understand that since he didn’t get half of what he had planned done on Tuesday, he really needs to actually do some work today, and she’s midway through pitching a screaming tantrum when the doorbell rings.

Kanaya pets Karkat’s mess of hair as Jade and Gamzee distract Casey. “There, there,” she comforts, as he rests his forehead on her collarbone and embraces her tightly. “Don’t you know you can call us when you need a hand?”

“Yeah, fuc—I mean, dummy! We’re here for you, you ought to know that by now!” Jade adds, pausing momentarily in her ruthless tickling assault of Casey, who is now shrieking with delight instead of anger.

Karkat huffs and lifts his head. He doesn’t let go of Kanaya entirely, though, and she keeps her hand atop his head. “We’re doing fine,” he grumbles. “You guys have already helped a lot. I don’t want to bother you.”

“Karkat,” Kanaya says, her voice severe. “You are not a bother.”

“Ain’t like we have any other motherfucking place to be,” Gamzee adds. Casey squeals and claps her hands over his mouth, then squeals again and pulls back, her hands smeared with paint.

“I swear to god if that shit gets anywhere on the furniture,” Karkat starts, and then Jade is yelling at him for cursing in front of Casey, Kanaya is trying not to laugh, and Casey has started rubbing Gamzee’s facepaint onto her own cheeks.

~~~

EB: hey dave!  
EB: are you there?  
EB: dave?  
EB: come on man, you can’t make a little time to answer?  
EB: this is probably important!  
TG: sup  
EB: there you are! dave, i think i need your help.  
TG: welp  
TG: lay it on me  
TG: aint gonna rush you but you might wanna hurry  
TG: were on the final home stretch here egbert  
TG: gotta push to win  
EB: dave, i can remember a conversation that i haven’t had yet! do you know what’s going on?  
TG: nope  
EB: well that was fast.  
TG: could be lots of things  
TG: maybe it’s not a real memory  
EB: but karkat remembers it too!  
TG: maybe it’s already happened and you just think youre in the wrong time  
EB: huh?  
TG: you know  
TG: maybe none of this is real  
TG: or maybe this is the memory and what you think is the future that you remember is the present  
EB: that doesn’t make sense! :(  
TG: maybe youre dreaming up future premonitions  
TG: clairvoyant doomsday predictions  
TG: ominous fortunes like jades predilections  
TG: to glimpse the alpha timeline destinations  
TG: once you see it set and lock it  
TG: eight ball corner pocket  
TG: shoot and sink it like a ship  
TG: boy i said dont give me lip quit your quips just equip  
TG: say your goodbyes to prep for your trip  
TG: to the green sun  
TG: stick a fork in me  
TG: im done  
EB: i don’t think that’s right either…  
EB: dave?  
EB: dave are you still there?  
EB: come on bro, don’t leave me hanging!

~~~

As always, Friday finds Karkat, Kanaya, Terezi, and Casey at their Kung Fu school. Kanaya and Casey sit in the front room together drawing, while Terezi and Karkat are in the black sash class. Then they trade: Karkat and Terezi wait, and he watches Casey in the kids’ class, while Kanaya is in the other side of the building in Tai Chi. This week Casey gets to choose dinner after class, and they wind up ending the night at her favourite pizza place.

The obnoxiously huge bandage from Casey’s forehead has been replaced with smaller Avatar: The Last Airbender band-aids.

“How was it going back to school today, Casey?” Kanaya asks. She’s ordered a salad while Terezi, Karkat and Casey split a meat lover’s pizza together.

“Iffa okay.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Karkat chides, chewing a bite of pizza.

Casey swallows and frowns at him. “It was okay,” she repeats. Her voice is still too high pitched and little to growl like Karkat’s, despite her best efforts.

“What did you do in class?”

“We’re learning fractions and decimals.”

“How do you like math?”

“It’s easy,” Casey answers around another bite of pizza. Karkat doesn’t bother reminding her of her manners again. “The teacher takes too long explaining the problems again and again, and the other kids ask dumb questions.”

Terezi cackles while Kanaya just smiles gently. “Not everybody is as smart as you are, dear,” she says. “We have to be patient with other people. Since you’re better at it, maybe you can help the others so that they don’t take as long?”

“The teacher says that’s cheating and I’m not supposed to talk in class.”

They order cannoli for desert. On the drive home, Casey falls asleep in the backseat, after having crawled halfway onto Kanaya’s lap.

“You can move her if you’re uncomfortable,” Karkat says, sighting them in the attachment on the rear-view mirror. “She’ll sleep through it.”

“I don’t mind.” Kanaya runs her fingers through Casey’s fine dark hair, combing her bangs back with her light touch.

Terezi is grinning widely, as always. “Little tyke’s sharp as a tack! You should let me babysit more, Karkles.”

“Fuck no. You want a kid, go get Strider and make your own.”

He regrets it as soon as he says it, but Terezi just lets out her usual cackle, and somehow Casey sleeps through the racket. He’s grateful she doesn’t take the opening to remind him that Casey’s not biologically his.

“She doesn’t have many friends her own age, does she?” Kanaya observes.

“No,” Karkat admits, shoulders sagging. “She likes the other kids at Kung Fu well enough, but they don’t live close by or go to school with her.”

“She hangs around adults like us too much. She’s too mature for the kids her age,” Terezi agrees, twisting in the passenger seat to reach a hand back. Kanaya catches her fingers and guides her to gently touch the crown of Casey’s head. Her fingers lightly slide until she can feel the band-aids on Casey’s forehead. “How did your parent/teacher conference go?”

Karkat tightens his grip on the wheel and growls. “I swear I am this close to taking her out of that place. Do you know what happened? The little shitheads were making fun of her because her dad’s—”

“Red light, Karkat!” Kanaya warns from the backseat. Karkat curses and slams on the brakes.

They all hold their breaths for a moment, but Casey doesn’t stir in Kanaya’s arms.

“Anyway, that’s what happened. She started cursing everybody out and then…”

The light turns green. Karkat stares intently at the road as he accelerates the car again.

“Her goddamn teachers who let this happen, they’re looking at me like I did something wrong. Like it’s a bad thing she won’t just let them walk all over her.” His eyes flick to the rear view mirror. “Between this, and the shit with Vriska…”

Terezi spins to face Karkat. It’s mostly for the effect; he can’t meet her gaze while he’s watching the road, and she can’t see to meet his gaze anyway. “I thought the shit with Vriska was settled,” she hisses.

Karkat shakes his head. “She served me new paperwork yesterday. I meant to ask you to if I could read it to you, if you have the time.”

“Of course,” Terezi immediately assures. “Casey needs stability right now, not a repeat of that idiotic custody battle. I can’t believe Vriska would stoop so low as to take advantage of this…”

Kanaya clears her throat. “It is definitely a poor decision on her part, but I do not think her motives are as selfish as all that. She wants what’s best for her daughter.” Terezi waits for Karkat’s retort, but when it doesn’t come, she finds his hand on the gearshift and wedges her bony fingers between his.

“When you look at my income, compared to hers,” he says, despondent, “and our little apartment, when Vriska’s got that big mansion, and you know she could afford to get Casey home schooled, so she wouldn’t have to go back to that place, well. It seems like a pretty easy decision for a judge, doesn’t it? Not much of any fucking contest at all. And if it would make Casey happier…”

“You listen to me,” Terezi hisses, squeezing Karkat’s hand uncomfortably hard, bony digits grinding into his. “What that girl needs right now isn’t a big house or fancy toys or name brand clothes. What she needs is stability with a parent who loves her enough to prioritize her happiness. Shaking things up right now is _not_ the right decision. If Vriska cared about what was best for Casey, she could have tried talking to you instead of serving you papers again!”

“You weren’t there the other night, Terezi, she was crying for her mom…”

“I cried for my mom for years after she walked out, but I didn’t expect her to show up. Hell, I don’t know what I would have done if she had. Believe me, Karkles, she’s not crying for Vriska, she’s crying for the idea of the family the media tells her she should have. If she goes with Vriska, I promise she’ll wake up crying for you. Living in a big empty mansion isn’t going to be any better for her than living in your cramped hole in the wall.”

“Oh, you flatterer.”

“Anytime, Karkles.”

~~~

EB: jade? can you help me with something? 

EB: rose? i kind of need a little help here.

EB: vriska????????  
AG: Hi John! ::::)  
EB: vriska! oh man, i was getting worried!  
EB: nobody’s pestering me back and there’s weird things going on.  
AG: Typical! Some friends you can count on, huh?  
EB: i don’t think it’s like that. actually mostly i’m worried. i don’t think they’d ignore me on purpose.  
EB: i think something’s wrong.  
AG: When haven’t things 8een going wrong in this dum8 game?  
EB: hehe! you’ve got a point.  
AG: I wouldn’t fuss though. I know you can handle it!  
EB: but i don’t even know what’s happening that i need to handle!  
EB: my memory’s gone all weird and dave’s not replying anymore. you and karkat are the only people who are there!  
EB: can you maybe give me a hint of what’s supposed to happen next?  
AG: Of course, John.  
AG: No matter how 8usy I get, or how many irons I have in the fire, I’ll always m8ke time for you.  
AG: Also, Casey says hi.  
EB: hi casey!  
EB: wait  
EB: how is casey with you?  
AG: John, I’m hurt!  
AG: Don’t you remem8er?  
AG: H8w could you forg8t, John?  
EB: i’m sorry! what did i forget? :(  
EB: i didn’t mean to make you upset!  
EB: i’m trying really hard to remember, vriska, but i can’t.  
EB: this is what i was telling you about!  
EB: vriska?  
EB: vriska????????  
EB: vriska i’m sorry!  
EB: please be okay.

GG: john, how are you even typing when you’re asleep?  
EB: jade! there you are!  
EB: what are you talking about?  
GG: well it’s not like you have a robot like mine! and i didn’t have a computer on prospit, either!! so how are you typing???  
EB: but i’m not asleep!  
EB: this isn’t my dreamself. i made it to god tier!  
GG: duh it’s not your dreamself!  
GG: none of us have extra lives.  
GG: you only get one chance john.  
EB: oh man, jade, do you not know about god tier?  
EB: i’ve got all the chances, jade!  
EB: all of them!  
EB: i mean, as long as it’s not a heroic death. or a just one, but i think i don’t have to worry about that so much.  
GG: it’s a sad, slow, lonely death.  
GG: it’s not fair, john!!!  
GG: everybody is so sad!  
GG: why can’t you just wake up already? :(  
EB: jade i don’t know what you’re talking about. maybe if you explain it?  
EB: hey, jade?

TT: For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,  
TT: When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,  
TT: Must give us pause—there’s the respect  
TT: That makes calamity of so long life.  
EB: what?  
EB: rose!  
EB: oh man, rose, not you too.

EB: everybody’s gone shithive maggots!   
CG: THAT’S MY LINE, FUCKNUT.

~~~

On Saturday, they pack Casey’s bag with a couple changes of clothes, colouring books, homework pages and snacks, and head out to the car.

“Do I have to go?” she asks, kicking her feet as Karkat buckes her in. “You took me every day I didn’t have school last week.”

“And we go every Saturday, rain or shine.” He thinks Kanaya or Jade or Nepeta might punctuate that sentence with a kiss to Casey’s forehead. Instead he shuts the door and goes around to the driver side.

“I don’t like it. It’s boring and it smells funny.”

Karkat leans forward to rest his head atop the steering wheel, recalling what Rose had told him.

 _She feels helpless, angry, and frightened. These are perfectly normal feelings; frankly, I’d be worried if she_ wasn’t _lashing out. She views it as a betrayal, or abandonment, but she’s learned that getting angry at John doesn’t change anything, so she’s searching for something she_ can _control. You need to be patient._

 _Well, obviously! But isn’t there anything else I can do besides just wait for her to get over it?_

 _Such sensitivity. It’s a wonder you don’t have my job. Tell me, Karkat, are **you**_ over it _? Have you slept in an actual bed instead of that armchair for the past month? Have you even set foot in your bedroom?_

 _Shut up, it’s a fucking comfortable chair, okay?_

“I know. I don’t like it either.” Helpless and angry and scared, indeed. Karkat doesn’t have trouble seeing how she’d arrived at those emotions. “But we made a promise. Every Saturday, all of us together. We can’t break a promise, little bunny.”

She doesn’t want to listen to their favourite Will Smith CD on the way there, and makes him flip through every radio station before demanding that he sing to her. By the time they arrive at the hospital, she’s decided he’ll never make it as a radio star, because he doesn’t know the lyrics to any songs other than How Do I and the Fresh Prince theme song, and he can’t hit the high notes when she tries to teach him her favourite My Little Pony songs. Karkat shoulders her backpack and they hold hands as they walk into the lobby. When they reach the front desk, he lifts her up onto his hip and lets her sign them in.

They get to John’s room, and Vriska is already there, seated at the side of his bed. Casey drops Karkat’s hand and runs to her mother, jumping into her lap and hugging her tightly.

“How’s Daddy?” she whispers.

Both dark-haired girls look down at the figure in the bed, and Karkat lets his own eyes wander to John’s form with them.

A lot of the bandages have come off now, and John’s been able to breathe without a respirator for the past two weeks. If one could block out everything around him, ignore the steady beeps of monitoring equipment and the IV line going into his hand, and just look at his face—and pretend that his pale skin is back to its flush caramel shade, instead of this washed-out chalk, and that his hair is its normal outrageous mess instead of flat and limp, and that his cheeks aren’t sunken—if one’s imagination is up to the challenge, he looks like he’s only asleep.

He doesn’t look any different from yesterday, or the day before.

Karkat sits in the chair on the opposite side from Vriska. They don’t exchange greetings. They’ve learned it’s best, when Casey is in the room, to pretend that they don’t see each other. He’s always been happy to focus on John instead of Vriska, though. He rests his hand atop John’s, looking at his own dark, stumpy digits against John’s longer, elegant piano fingers. Meanwhile he hears Vriska ask Casey how her week went, and he notices that Casey doesn’t mention being suspended.

Jade and Rose and Dave all arrive together. Jade has fresh flowers, and she lets Casey sniff them to approve before she switches out last week’s. Dave talks about a girl at his last gig who threw a pair of panties up on the stage, and speculates as to whether they were actually the ones she wore to the venue. Rose eventually reaches up and casually cover’s Dave’s mouth, and turns to Karkat to enquire as to his progress on his next novel, and when it will be ready for her edits. Vriska and Jade talk about the new edition of D&D, and Jade invites Vriska to the Exalted campaign she’s running next week.

They’re not so loud anybody has to come tell them to shut up (this week) and nobody starts fighting (this week). Karkat looks at John’s closed eyes and slowly rising chest and wishes that his husband could see them all fucking playing nice for once. He remembers, as he is sure everybody else does, how John always lamented that holiday parties never failed to devolve into some kind of disaster, like the New Year’s party where Karkat and Dave got into a drunken brawl, or the Halloween when Feferi got fed up with Eridan and broke a bottle over his head. It is the worst kind of maddening that he doesn’t get to see everybody finally, _finally_ acting like decent goddamn human beings toward each other.

Vriska leaves first. It’s her weekend, so Casey goes with her, after giving everybody else a hug and a kiss. Karkat tells her to behave and to remember to brush her teeth, and she and Vriska both share a matching giggle. It’s not long before Jade and Dave and Rose take their leave as well. Jade crushes Karkat in a bear hug, Dave punches him in the shoulder, and Rose gives him the up nod.

He’s not sure how long he stays seated by John after they’re gone, just staring at his face and holding his hand. His mind is blank and his limbs are limp. He sits there, thinking about absolutely nothing, not work or Casey’s school or his plans for tomorrow or his concerns about the upcoming bills since John was always the breadwinner. He’s already had those thoughts all week, and there’s simply no more room in his brain for anything other than watching the orange light from the window move across John’s chest.

He leaves before visiting hours are over, and trudges to his car.

When he gets home, he turns on his laptop—he has a deadline next Wednesday for an essay he hasn’t started yet—but he winds up watching _Love Actually_ instead of doing any work.

He falls asleep curled up in a ball on the armchair.

~~~

CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NOW?  
EB: i mean, you’d never start trolling us. we’d never have the chance to meet you!  
EB: it just seems too bad. i like you guys!  
EB: i don’t want to forget you.  
CG: TOO FUCKING BAD. THE THOUGHT OF NEVER MEETING YOU AND WITNESSING YOUR IMPOSSIBLE LEVELS OF IDIOCY FILLS ME WITH A STRANGE AND UNFAMILIAR SENSATION.  
CG: I THINK IT MIGHT BE JOY.  
EB: wait a second!  
CG: WAIT A S  
CG: FUCK YOU, WHAT IS IT.  
EB: haven’t we had this conversation before?  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
CG: THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM, THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU SHOULDN’T KNOW WHAT I SAID THE FIRST TIME I TROLLED YOU.  
EB: i know, right! that won’t happen for me for another hour! karkat, you told me this already!  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE.  
CG: IF THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT RUSE FOR YOUR GODDAMN PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT, I WILL JUST GO FLYING RIGHT OFF THIS FUCKING METEOR. I’LL FLING MYSELF STRAIGHT OUT OF THE VEIL AND GET CAUGHT IN SKAIA’S GRAVITATIONAL FIELD, ONLY TO FALL THROUGH A GATE AND GET SENT HURTLING TOWARD YOUR PLANET, THEN DISINTEGRATE IN THE ATMOSPHERE.  
CG: WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS KIND OF BULLSHIT.  
EB: oh my god shut up. this isn’t a prank.  
EB: something is seriously wrong.  
EB: i can’t…  
EB: this conversation happened differently last time we had it.  
EB: is this why we need to scratch our game?  
EB: is the save data corrupted?  
CG: OBVIOUSLY.  
CG: BUT AS YOU WERE SAYING, THE BASIC PREMISE OF CAUSING A SCRATCH IS FLAWED, WHEN THE CORRUPTION CAME FROM US IN THE FIRST PLACE. THERE’S NO REASON IT WON’T DEVELOP AGAIN.  
CG: FOR THE RECORD, THE PLAN IS TO AVOID BEING CAUGHT UP IN THE SCRATCH OURSELVES, SO THAT WE DON’T LOSE OUR MEMORIES AND CAN ACTUALLY CONTINUE OUR MISERALBE EXISTENCES.  
CG: AND MAYBE PREVENT THE NEXT SESSION FROM FUCKING UP THIS BADLY.  
CG: THAT DIDN’T STOP BEING A PLAN THAT WE’RE PUTTING IN ACTION, OR ANYTHING.  
EB: karkat, what if we’re trapped?  
EB: i keep remembering things that i know are about to happen and i know we already started this conversation once before.  
EB: like, i don’t mean we got derailed and now we’re resuming a conversation. i mean we literally have been through this exact pesterlog before.  
EB: what if we’re stuck in this infinitely repeating mobius timeloop, and i can’t ever reach the scratch, because i get sent back before it’s the time to cause the scratch?  
CG: LOOK. FOR ONE THING, YOU’RE NOT A GODDAMN TIME PLAYER, SO QUIT YOUR USELESS SPECULATING. YOU DON’T HAVE THE FAINTEST GLIMPSE OF A CLUE OF WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.  
CG: SECONDLY, DON’T FUCKING PANIC.  
CG: I KNOW THIS GAME IS FUCKING BULL SHIT, SCULPTED FROM RAW HOOFBEAST EXCREMENT AND CODED WITH THE FECES OF A THOUSAND MADDENED MOOBEASTS.  
CG: BUT WE’RE GOING TO BEAT IT ON OUR TERMS, OKAY.  
EB: haha, oh wow!  
EB: you can actually be encouraging when you try!  
CG: OF COURSE I CAN.  
CG: I’VE MELLOWED OUT A LOT SINCE WE WERE THIRTEEN, YOU KNOW.  
EB: um.  
EB: i still am thirteen! and i thought you and the other trolls were six?  
EB: karkat, what’s going on? :(  
EB: how come i remember stuff that hasn’t happened yet but i forget stuff vriska says is important?  
EB: how come every time i start to realize something’s wrong, everybody disappears? and i can’t remember anything that happens after they stop responding?  
EB: karkat?  
EB: karkat, not you too!

EB: guys?

EB: somebody?

 

EB: anybody?


End file.
